When many people think of domestic abuse, they picture physical violence. Bruises.
Broken bones. Visible injuries. But for countless survivors in Nigeria and around the world,
abuse often takes forms that leave no visible marks, yet still cause deep emotional,
psychological, and social harm.
Domestic abuse is not defined by what you see. It’s defined by patterns of power and
control that can slowly erode a person’s sense of safety, dignity, and freedom.
Domestic Abuse Is About Power and Control
At its core, domestic abuse is a series of behaviours intended to dominate and control a
partner or family member. These behaviours can be subtle or overt, verbal or non-verbal,
and they often get worse over time.
Many survivors don’t recognize abuse because:
- There is no physical injury
- The abuser apologizes or minimizes the behaviour
- The behaviour is normalised by culture or community expectations
- Others outside the home see only the “happy face” Domestic abuse isn’t always easy to
spot but it is real. And it is serious.
Forms of Domestic Abuse Beyond Physical Violence
Emotional and Psychological Abuse
Emotional abuse attacks a person’s inner world. It may include: - Constant criticism, insults, or humiliation
- Blaming the survivor for all problems
- Gaslighting, denying the truth to make someone doubt their own experiences
- Threats, intimidation, or emotional manipulation
Over time, this can destroy confidence, increase anxiety, and make a person feel isolated
and worthless.
Verbal Abuse
Words can wound deeply. Verbal abuse can involve: - Yelling or shouting
- Degrading, demeaning language and insults
- Threats against you, your children, or loved ones.
Because it doesn’t leave physical marks, verbal abuse is often dismissed but its impact
can be profound.
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse controls a person’s access to money and independence. This can include: - Controlling bank accounts
- Preventing a partner from working
- Monitoring and restricting spending
- Running up debt in the survivor’s name.
This type of abuse makes leaving harder and can trap survivors economically.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is not limited to physical violence. It can involve: - Pressuring or forcing sexual activity
- Ignoring consent
- Using sex as a tool for control.
Sexual abuse can occur even within marriage or long-term relationships and is recognised
under law in Nigeria. For example, changes in the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition)
Law have made certain non-consensual acts punishable even within marriage
Coercive Control
Coercive control is a pattern of domination that isolates and dominates someone over
time. It may look like: - Monitoring your phone, messages, or online activity
- Preventing you from seeing friends or family
- Dictating what you wear or where you go
- Making rules you cannot win.
Coercive control is increasingly recognised as a serious harm, even when there is no
physical violence.
Digital and Technological Abuse
Technology can be misused to control and harass, for example: - Tracking your location
- Reading your private messages
- Sharing intimate photos without consent.
This form of abuse can make survivors feel like they are never truly alone or safe.
Domestic Abuse in Nigeria: What the Law Says
Nigeria has legal frameworks that criminalise domestic and gender-based violence and
offer remedies for survivors, though enforcement remains inconsistent across states.
Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act (VAPP)
The VAPP Act (2015) is a federal law that prohibits violence , including domestic violence
and provides penalties for offenders in the Federal Capital Territory (Abuja). It also offers
protections such as possible protective orders for survivors. Many states have adopted this
law or similar legislation to strengthen local protections.
State-Level Protections
States such as Lagos, Ekiti, and others have their own gender-based violence or domestic
violence laws that criminalise abuse, allow restraining orders, and provide legal recourse
for survivors.
Despite these laws, survivors often face challenges like weak enforcement, stigma, lack of
awareness, and pressure to keep family matters private.
Why Non-Physical Abuse Is Often Overlooked
Non-physical abuse is frequently dismissed because: - There are no visible injuries
- Abusers can appear kind or normal to outsiders
- Survivors may feel guilt or shame
- Cultural expectations pressure silence.
But emotional, psychological, and financial harm are real — and they are damaging.
The Real Impact of Abuse
Abuse of any kind can lead to: - Anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder
- Constant fear or hyper-vigilance
- Loss of confidence and self-worth
- Difficulty trusting others
- Chronic stress and health issues
No matter what it looks like, abuse affects every area of life.
If You’re Questioning Your Relationship
If you find yourself: - Walking on eggshells at home
- Feeling afraid to speak up
- Isolated from friends or family
- Controlled financially or socially
Your feelings matter. You are not overreacting. You deserve safety.
Help and Support in Nigeria
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, support services and hotlines
are available across Nigeria:
Immediate Emergency Assistance - 112 – Nigeria National Emergency Number (police, ambulance, fire)
- 0902-213-4001 – Alliance Against Domestic Abuse And Sexual Violence, individual and
group counselling, rehabilitation and empowerment, shelter and legal support - 0800-033-3333 – Domestic & Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT), Lagos state level
NOMORE Global Directory
Toll-Free Helplines - +234 8009 210 0009 – WARIF 24-hour confidential support line warifng.org
- 0800 727 32255 – Federal Government support line for violations against women and girls
NOMORE Global Directory - The Cece Yara 24-Hour Child Helpline: 0800 800 8001 / 0902 988 0445 – child and family
support NOMORE Global Directory+1
Counselling and Support Organisations - HerStoryOurStoryNG — 0806 429 2526 – free, confidential counselling nationwide Find A
Helpline - DSVA (Lagos) — 08169024226 / 0 8000-333-333 – counselling, medical, legal, and
emergency support Find A Helpline - WACOL (Women’s Aid Collective) – legal support and advocacy for survivors NOMORE
Global Directory
Legal and Advocacy Resources - Many police stations now have Gender Desks where survivors can report abuse
sensitively.
Conclusion
Domestic abuse is not defined by bruises alone. It includes emotional, psychological,
f
inancial, sexual, and coercive forms of harm that erode a person’s safety and dignity.
If you or someone you know is affected, help is real, confidential, and ready when you
reach out.
You are not alone.